I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
