How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
