my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to stop coming to work sober
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
