It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
