I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
