Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
