Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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