nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
