So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
