I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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