as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
