So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
