On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
