I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
