Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
