shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
