I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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