She's JV to your varsity
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
