O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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