rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
