you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
