I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
