You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
