There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you never un-have a 4some
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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