so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
