I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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