But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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