I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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