my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
