I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Where is the hickey?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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