I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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