i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
