I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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