You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
