So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
