we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
