i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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