i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
