just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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