My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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