i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize