Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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