Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
