taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
