thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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