We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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