People in love make me want to vomit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
