I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
