Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
