She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i've created a new STD.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
