We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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