Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
