I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
