I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
