I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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