do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
