So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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