she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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