my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
