life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
