My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
