her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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