i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
