Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
