My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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