you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
