Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
