he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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