Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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