He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
