Umm I'm too high to move.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
